Sexual fantasies are generally defined as “any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to the individual.” Over the years, researchers have reported many common sexual fantasies. These themes include more mainstream or even "mundane" ones, like having oral sex, sexually dominating a partner, or being sexually dominated. More adventurous sexual fantasies include having sex with multiple people, voyeurism, and having sex outdoors or in a public place.

Secret sexual fantasies

It's a popular trope that people never tell their partners about their private fantasies. Too embarrassed, guilty, or even ashamed to share their innermost sexual thoughts, they keep these fantasies to themselves. But in truth, among sexually active adults it is actually common for men and women alike to be open and honest about their sexual fantasies. It's normal, and even healthy, to have erotic fantasies. Few sexual fantasies appear to be statistically unusual or rare.

Many men and women talk with their partners about their fantasies in order to enhance their sex lives. Sharing can increase intimacy and understanding between two partners and help to further deepen the bond in a relationship. It can rekindle the flames of passion in a relationship that has cooled down. Having an open exchange of erotic fantasies can also allow people to take another step towards being more open in other aspects of their lives.

Do you have to give in to a partner's fantasies?

Days, weeks, months, or even years into a relationship, may come the point when a couple feels comfortable enough to share their sexual fantasies with each other. When these are out in the open, must they be acted on? Many people feel immense pressure to follow through with someone else's erotic fantasies. This may be a desire to keep a partner satisfied, or even to "keep" them. However, just because a person knows what his or her partner's fantasy is, it doesn't mean it has to be followed through with.

Of course, some couples will follow through with their erotic fantasies, especially more "vanilla" and culturally acceptable ones. In fact, these fantasies might even be mutually shared.

In some cases, following through with a fantasy can backfire. Exploring fantasies might lead to jealousy, judgment, and a loss of respect, which can eventually lead to a breakup. Other fantasies might go against a person's comfort level or go against their morals and values. Some people might coerce or bully their partners into fulfilling a fantasy. This raises serious issues of consent. No one should ever have to give in to a partner's fantasies. In addition to these considerations, more taboo and forbidden sexual fantasies might potentially be dangerous or even illegal.

A fantasy is just that; it doesn't have to become reality. Moreover, what people fantasize about is not necessarily synonymous with what they are interested in or actually do in person. Sometimes talking about one's erotic fantasies or even role-playing them can be enough. But in the end, some fantasies are best left as fantasies.