After completing the fifth step (A.A.’s Step Five: Confession as the Antidote for Shame), Steps Six and Seven initially look like a simple and agreeable path toward real change. But surface waters are deceptive. They hide the great depth that must be plumbed to find the fruits promised by these steps. Step Six especially requires introspection into deep recesses that lie below one’s character defects. The promise of change will come true only after diligent work, patience, and a level of humility matching what was required in Step One (A.A.’s Step One: Confrontation With Reality).

I have stressed in previous postings that there are many ways to understand the meaning and implications of each step[i], and I am not speaking on behalf of A.A. What follows is only one perspective on Steps Six and Seven filtered through my experience as an addiction psychiatrist. My goal is to offer thoughts on the psychological depth contained in the Twelve Step approach to recovery from addiction (see A Meaningful Definition of Addiction Recovery).

Step Six

Step Six reads as follows:

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

At first glance, Step Six looks like a piece of cake. People are so tired of their defects that they naturally want to be rid of them as soon as possible. Step Six does not look like it would require much work at all. But it is actually one of the most difficult steps to understand.

The problem with Step Six is that people are usually unconscious of two critical aspects of character defects. First, the impact of their defects, both on themselves and others, may not be immediately apparent. For example, the defect of habitual defensiveness, which appears on many peoples’ Step Four inventory (A.A.’s Step Four: The Work Of Self-Honesty), destroys intimacy and leads to feeling isolated. Every character defect has a similar ripple effect. Refusing to accept responsibility for one’s behavior and blaming others damages others’ self esteem and, again, leads to isolation. Step Six requires uncovering the negative consequences of your character defects before room becomes available for new ways of behaving.

A second layer of complexity in becoming entirely ready to have character defects removed comes from many character defects also serving us, at least in the short run. For example, we develop habitual defensiveness to avoid the shame and embarrassment of acknowledging our mistakes and bad behavior. Defensiveness spares us from acute feelings of shame. As a result, people often fail to realize that they are ambivalent about having the shield of defensiveness removed. How naked would that feel? Could we tolerate such vulnerability? Truth be told, we are quite attached to our character defects.

Working Step Six means becoming aware of the true cost of our character defects and being honest about our fear of letting go of the apparent protection each defect offers. It takes diligent work to remain fully aware of the consequences of our defects and our ambivalence about their removal — all at the moment a defect rises up and starts taking control. In a very real sense, this is the same process alcoholics need to go through when they stop to think through the consequences of a drink before pouring it down their throat. When a person has absorbed Step Six deeply enough that they pause before acting on a character defect, the opportunity for change is created. It takes constant work to absorb Step Six to this degree. Such work is also the essence of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy.

Step Seven

At this point, Step Seven comes into play. Step Seven reads as follows:

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

There are many ways to ask for the removal of our character defects. Some people fall on their knees and pray to the God of their understanding. Others spend hours meditating on what form being free of shortcomings might take. Some commune more deeply with nature, and others look for ways to surrender to an inner spark of the divine, an inner wisdom. No matter how the asking occurs, the critical point is that it be done in a spirit of deep humility. The seventh step cannot be performative. It must come from authentic humility that willingly surrenders to “God’s timing,” in full awareness that we are powerless to will away our ambivalence. Proof of genuine humility lies in the patience to keep working Step Six with the faith that results will eventually appear and the promise of change will be kept. Step Seven requires surrendering all demands that any particular defect will be the first one lifted, or that any be lifted now. Only a constancy of humility and working Step Six with diligence and patience will be rewarded.

And then, one day it happens. Maybe an admission of responsibility happens before blaming. Or, an act of transparency occurs before defensiveness. Change arrives, seemingly spontaneously and unplanned. But a lot of hard work needs to till the soil properly for change to occur. Recovery is a hard work miracle.

I have tried to explain how the Twelve Steps progressively build on each other, and the next two build on the foundation of changes that occur in Step Seven. Steps Eight and Nine offer a path for how to put new-found changes into practice. After a couple weeks of travel, my next post will return to look at how these next two steps operationalize recovery.