Source: KristinaPaukshtite/Canva

If you are considering egg (ovum) donation because you have already tried to conceive on your own or through IUI or IVF treatment without success, you probably have mixed feelings. You may be happy that ovum donation technology exists and has such a high rate of success, but disappointed that you will not be using your own eggs and confused about whether this is your child. I’m here to confirm it is and to share the reasons why.

1. Every baby starts with donation.

To make a baby, nature requires a set of instructions made up of pairs of genes. Since 50 percent of the genetic instructions are delivered by sperm, that means every pregnancy starts with donation — donation of genes from sperm. The second set of genetic material in the instructions is delivered by an egg. If you are using a donor egg, just think of it as a double donation — from sperm as well as an egg.

2. Egg donation is not adoption.

People often mistake ovum donation as a form of adoption, but it’s far from the same. There is not a baby in the donor’s egg, there is only genetic material.

3. You are not getting a copy of the donor.

The DNA in ova and sperm come from our parents’ gene pool, not from us. Since we all have trillions of possible combinations of DNA from our set of eggs and sperm, we are not losing a piece of ourselves if we don’t use our own eggs and we are not getting a replica of a donor if we are using a donor’s egg. We could be getting genetic material passed on from the donor’s great, great grandmother or Uncle Harry. Besides, once the genetic material from the sperm and egg combines, some are dominant and some are recessive, so there’s no telling which pool will do the instructing for any given trait.

4. Sibling ovum donation is like a gene pool transfusion.

If you have an egg donated by a full sibling, you are restoring your own gene pool because all your sibling’s eggs received genes from the same parents’ gene pools — even if you and your sibling look different. This is called familial gamete donation.

5. You are not just an incubator.

There is only one way to make a baby — your body has to build the baby, not just in it, but also from it.

Here’s how it works:

• Tissue from your uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link you and your new child.
• Since the developing fetus needs a 24/7 supply of nutrients that are already digested and processed as building blocks, it will use your body’s protein, calcium, sugars, nitrates, vitamins, and fluids.
• You will not be “eating for two” as the saying goes. You will be eating to restore your own body’s glucose, amino acids, and fatty acids as you create your baby.

Does that mean this baby is your flesh and blood? Children are not literally our flesh and blood, because every fetus builds its own flesh and its own blood, just as it makes its own skin, hair texture, nails, and teeth. However, every cell in this child’s body was built both in your body and from your body.

6. But wait, there’s more.

Although every baby has a set of DNA instructions to guide their development from a zygote to fetus, genes can be expressed (activated) or silenced (left dormant) during pregnancy by our neurotransmitters, nutrients, hormones, and metabolites.

That means that in addition to providing the building blocks for the baby’s body and nourishing the child, we also influence the development of our child through epigenetics, the constant interaction of the environment in the womb and the inherited genetic information.

This is one more way in which egg donation is unlike adoption and one more way in which this baby is uniquely yours.

If you are worried about when and how to tell the child — or if the child really needs to be told at all, we will cover those concerns in upcoming posts. In the meantime, be reassured that current studies find that most young adults feel either unconcerned or positive about the method of their conception.