Learning how to get into swinging is easier than ever. Thanks to the internet and the rise of virtual sex, venturing into your fantasies is more accessible - allowing you to experiment in the safety of your own home first. When the physical world went into lockdown in 2020, more people than ever were swinging online.

Here, we explain the steps to take if you’re new to swinging - from couples’ communication to finding the right apps to sourcing mind blowing sex tech.

What is swinging?

Often referred to as ‘The Lifestyle’, swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy. This can involve group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group. If you and your partner want to learn how to become a swinger, explicit boundaries and communication between you is crucial.

While the swinging lifestyle encourages freedom of expression, making an agreement on the level of sexual intimacy you’re both comfortable with opening up to other partners can help maintain your commitment to each other.

For many, the idea of stepping outside of traditional sexual ‘norms’ is a huge thrill.

How to become a swinger online

So, how does swinging work virtually? Forming relationships online has been happening for a long time, and swinging online is no different. In fact, you no longer have to place upside-down pineapples (a discreet code for ‘swinging’ among those in the Lifestyle) in your trolley at the grocery store, praying that knowing winks from couples will come.

Now, there are very open communities on TikTok and Reddit, couples making real intimate connections with other couples via virtual platforms. Combined with huge advances in virtual messaging, online video calls, and remote pleasure products, the swinging lifestyle has come a long way since the free love of the sixties.

How to find swinger sites that feel right

To purposely meet other swingers and dip a toe into the Lifestyle, you could explore the wide range of swinging apps - designed for couples to find like-minded partners. Which sites and apps work for you depend on what turns you on.

Are you seeking a quick buzz, a new experience, or a longer term partnership with another couple? Are you willing to ‘play’ separate from your partner, known as full swap? Or would a softer swap feel more comfortable? Expressing your thoughts, fears, ideas, and passions is a good activity to do together before you start exploring.

For a broad range of active swinging couples (and singles), Adult Friend Finder allows member-to-member niche chat rooms, as well as local or filtered match searches.

For those new to swinging, inclusive dating app Feeld allows couples to set up accounts together, and is a great way to look and explore first without pressure.

For couples looking to add a third to their relationship, threesome dating app 3Fun reported a steady uptick in members since the lockdown began in 2020.

If you want to dive deeper into a particular fetish, you can find kinksters with similar interests on FetLife, which could evolve into an intro to swinging between parties.

How to start swinging with virtual sex toys

One of the easiest ways to ease into swinging from home is by experimenting with virtual sex toys. These devices sync through apps, letting you and another couple—or even a third partner—share sensations in real time, no matter where you’re located. For men, custom male sex toys can heighten the experience even further, offering personalized textures and intensities that make virtual play feel incredibly realistic. Paired with interactive vibrators or strokers for your partner, you can explore different dynamics of the swinging lifestyle while maintaining full control over your boundaries.

Using these toys together also takes away some of the first-time nerves, since you can experiment privately before meeting in person. It’s an approachable way to test fantasies, communicate desires, and discover which types of play feel right for both you and your partner—building confidence before stepping fully into the Lifestyle.