Source: David Bayless/Unsplash

On a brisk May morning in 2016, I embarked on a journey that would change my relationship with fear forever.

With my trusty acoustic guitar in tow, I ventured down a bohemian road in my hometown of Cleveland. The air felt thick with a sense of possibility. As I passed by tattoo parlors and vinyl resale shops, my heart started to race.

I was about to tackle a fear that had held me hostage for 35 years.

Childhood Wounds

As I reflect upon my childhood, I am reminded of a kind, sensitive kid with perpetual struggles.

I was chronically shy, forever branded as the shortest boy in the grade, and the victim of relentless bullies. But there was one bright spot in my life: I loved music and singing.

It was my irrepressible Irish grandmother, Peg, who ignited a flame within me, kindling an unyielding love and joy for music and, especially, playing piano together and singing.

And then—in the blink of an eye—that joy was stolen.

I was 10 years old and our entire fourth grade was in final preparation for our annual choir concert. The substitute choir teacher had entrusted me with a solo line in the concert’s finale: “76 Trombones" from The Music Man. But each time the grade sang the song and my solo approached, terror gripped my vocal chords. A flush of embarrassment burned across my face as I stammered in front of the grade.

The choir teacher, dressed in a garish tropical-themed shirt despite the freezing Ohio temperatures, stomped toward me: “You! You’re literally wasting all of our time. You know what? Forget it. Why don’t you go ahead and mouth the words? Let everyone else sing.”

And I didn’t sing in public again for 35 years.

Until, on that cold day in Cleveland, I made a choice. A choice to reclaim my power. I decided to sing in front of a bustling restaurant in front of a group of strangers.

 

Source: Tim Cooper/Unsplash

Reclaiming a Stolen Joy

The bohemian road led to a busy brunch restaurant, filled with people. I pulled out the guitar. As I strummed the first chord, I heard a voice in my head: You are going to embarrass yourself like never before, buddy. But I did it. I strummed my guitar once, mustering my voice, and released a cascade of song that had built up inside of me for three-and-a-half decades. Although my voice wasn't refined, my passion and excitement won over the crowd.

Afterward, I felt a rich broth of pride, exhilaration, and freedom coursing through my veins.

For 35 years, I was silent. And now, after just seven minutes, I wanted to do it all over again.

Becoming a Fear-Chaser

Since that fateful day, I have embarked on an audacious mission—a life as a fearless explorer. Driven by a thirst for growth, I seek to push the boundaries of my comfort zone, extending an open invitation for others to join.

Scare Your Soul was born—a global courage movement that has given individuals the confidence to confront their deepest fears. I've developed hundreds of ways for people to become more courageous in their lives. I've seen what works.

Now, I offer you three battle-tested "courage hacks" from our playbook:

Step 1: Reflect and Identify. The first step in reclaiming a joy that was stolen by an authority figure is to engage in deep reflection and introspection. Take the time to revisit your past experiences and identify the specific moment or situation when that joy was extinguished.

Ask yourself probing questions:

• How did their words or actions make you feel at that moment?
• In what ways did their words or actions challenge your belief in yourself or your abilities?
• How has the absence of that joy impacted your life since?

Step 2: Challenge the Limiting Beliefs. Once you have identified the authority figure and their words or actions that stole your joy, it's helpful to recognize that their influence may have created limiting beliefs within you.

These beliefs can act as invisible barriers, holding you back from rediscovering and embracing that stolen joy. Take a courageous stance and challenge those beliefs. Question their validity and consider alternative perspectives. Shift your focus from what was imposed upon you to what you truly desire.

Ask yourself, very simply: After all these years, do I still believe this is true about me?

By dismantling the walls of limiting beliefs, you open up the possibility of reclaiming your joy and regaining your power.

Step 3: Take Purposeful Action. Buried deep inside me, for decades, was that fear of singing. It was born of a childhood wound, to be sure, but it sat on my shoulder for so long. But when I summoned the courage to sing in front of that bustling restaurant, I liberated myself from the clutches of fear.

Reclaiming stolen joy demands more than introspection and challenging beliefs; it requires bold and purposeful action.

Psychologists often term this type of action “exposure therapy,” the intentional confronting of a feared stimulus or situation in a safe and controlled manner. By repeatedly exposing ourselves to the source of our fear, we learn to manage our anxiety, and we can actually experience a reduction in our fear response over time.

So, identify a specific action that aligns with the joy you seek to reclaim. For example, if your fear revolves around public speaking, you could start by giving a short presentation to a small group of supportive friends or colleagues. As you gain confidence and comfort, gradually increase the audience size or seek opportunities to speak in public settings.

Take deliberate steps toward that action. Be bold. Have fun.

Expect sweat and a racing heart.