Two weeks ago, my family's hammock went missing. Stolen in the night. There are many worse things to lose than a hammock. Yet, I found a metaphor for it; a theft of peace and trust in the community. I hung another hammock.

Fear is everywhere. Animals run from predators, and humans run from worries. In the extreme, fear can wrap around a person like a bubble, blocking everything else. When this reaches a clinical level, it becomes an anxiety disorder, which affects one in four of us (Remes et al, 2016).

Fear is a great motivator in our society. Most jobs require compliance training, which spotlights laws you could break in your position and the fearful consequences. Many health-related behaviors are driven by a fear of illness. Billboards featuring personal injury lawyers remind us of liability and our fear of car accidents. Con artists often take advantage of people's fears. One could argue the entire industry of insurance is built on fear.

In such a threatening world, is there any wonder why so many people are anxious?

While fear is a common motivator, it is not necessarily an effective one. Research shows that fear of failure correlates with procrastination in an academic setting (Zarrin et al, 2020). Self-sabotage and self-fulfilling prophecies are also rampant consequences of fear. Ironically, the trend of "the fear of missing out" often shows up when we have focused our actions to address other fears, such as working long hours at the cost of time with friends or family.

The health risks of stress are well-documented, with correlations between high stress and susceptibility to disease shown in areas ranging from cancer (Yang et al, 2019) to heart disease (Gawlik et al, 2019).

Still, imagine having no fear. Fear plays a vital role in survival and spotting danger. Eliminating fear is not an option.

So, what’s the alternative?

One of the tenants of Compassion Focused Therapy is that we have a balance of three systems: threat which handles survival, drive for motivation, and a compassion system focused on relaxing and enjoying the comfort of others (Gilbert, 2009). All three are vital. Neurologically, the threat system, associated with fear and anger, is made to override others. When you are fighting for your life, it would not be wise to wrap your loved ones in a hug. At least not if you were running from a wildebeest.

Centuries ago, the threats that faced our ancestors were severe and short-lived—like lions on the savannah. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn were our four best options. We could run from the lion, fight it off, play dead, and, as a last resort, try to charm the creature.

Today, our fears are often much more abstract and long-lasting. Sometimes comfort and meaning in the face of fear is what we need, rather than trying to escape danger. Harnessing our connection with others and moving toward what matters to us allows us to make space for fear, without it taking up the whole couch.

How do I do That?

1. Allow Fear, Stress, and Anxiety to Exist

Fleeing unpleasant entities outside ourselves works. We can run from wasps. But we can’t run away from ourselves. Shoving stress and anxiety to the side tends to cause it to multiply. By accepting the experience of fear, and allowing our bodies to feel it, we let the emotion carry out its purpose. We can observe it like a butterfly on our arms, rather than be engulfed by it like an octopus on our faces.

2. Surround Yourself with Trusted Others

We are social creatures. When we feel accepted and part of a community, we are less vulnerable to threats, both within us and outside us. Social support has long been cited as a buffer against the effects of stress (McKimme et al, 2020). By sharing in life with others, we magnify joy and overcome challenges while activating the soothing-affiliative system (Gilbert, 2009).

3. Engage Comfort Cues

All of us have cues that give us a sense of comfort. This could be something that elicits a calming memory, such as pictures that remind you of positive memories and relationships. It could also be a sensory experience like a favorite color or smell. We can use these to our advantage to build a sense of peace.

4. Take Care of Your Physical Health

Feelings of health also foster feelings of safety. When we feel tired, hungry, or sick, that sense of vulnerability can translate to increased anxiety and susceptibility to stress. Taking care of these needs strengthens our grounding.

5. Do Something Creative (or Funny)

Creativity is a direct way to encourage the drive and soothing-affiliative system. It is also a way to make space for and express anxiety, making it an excellent moderator of stress.

Closing Thoughts

Life gleams a mosaic of fearful and beautiful experiences. A bias toward concentrating on threats permeates our culture. Matching this, our brains are wired to identify potential concerns. Anxiety is a natural response.

For many, stress and anxiety reach a level that can be problematic. Through subtle changes and reminders, we can counteract this by engaging other systems of mind. Psychotherapy, particularly Compassion-Focused Therapy and Acceptance Commitment Therapy, can assist in this process.