It’s one of the most taboo topics in the world of intimacy: Are you having enough sex? Couples often talk about the topic, particularly when they are not aligned. One partner thinks they do it enough, while the other wants to increase their intimacy frequency.

The one question that lingers is: Just how often are most people having sex? How do you know you are more or less intimate than the average single person if you don’t talk about how often others are having sex? As a married couple, are you more active in the bedroom than other married people?

Couple playing footsie in bed.

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Who’s Having The Most Sex?

The Center for Researching and Understanding Sexual Health (CRUSH) set out to answer questions about sex frequency and sex satisfaction (we’ll discuss satisfaction in another post). In 2021, researchers surveyed over 600 people and found pretty interesting data in their "Are We Doing It Enough? Sex Frequency and Satisfaction Report."

According to the findings, 70 percent of people are having sex at least once per month, and, unsurprisingly, 25-34 year-olds are having more sex than other age groups. According to the theories of Erik Erikson, we are trying out new partners and settling down into long-term relationships during this stage of life. Therefore, it’s no shock that 46 percent of adults in this age group are intimate 1-3 times per week.

What’s most interesting is that single people, as a group, are not having more sex than married people. While 36 percent of single people are intimate 1-3 times per month, 35 percent of married people are intimate at the same rate. It’s people who are dating who are more active in the bedroom, as 44 percent shared that they were having sex 1-3 times per week.

Although we often fantasize about wanting to be intimate nearly every day of the week, it’s not a realistic goal. The survey found that less than 6 percent of people are actually engaging in sex this frequently.

The Grass Isn’t Greener On the Other Side

We often hear married couples lament that single people are “having all the fun,” particularly in the bedroom. They can have “new” sex with different people, which creates some anticipatory excitement in their intimate life.

On the other hand, we hear single people opine about wanting the stability of having a partner who knows what you want and is available to you when you are in the mood. We all want what the other has.

If it’s true that comparison is the thief of joy, it may be helpful for us to stop thinking about what’s happening in other people’s bedrooms. Instead, focus on doing what works for your intimacy needs.

If you are someone with a higher sex drive, make sure your partner understands your needs. Keep in mind that intimacy is not sex. Intimacy may include sex, but it may also involve having deep conversations, cuddling, and eye gazing. If you are someone who doesn’t need as much sex, find out what intimately makes you feel fulfilled. Test out new experiences in the bedroom with a trusted partner.