DECISION-MAKING- How to Balance Delayed Gratification With Enjoying the Now. Go ahead: Eat the marshmallow. Reviewed by Davia Sills

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KEY POINTS-

  • Delayed gratification can have tremendous results in someone's life.
  • However, enjoying marshmallows throughout life can bring joy and fulfillment.
  • People who have not enjoyed any of their rewards often have deep regrets.
  • Working hard to achieve success is important, but don't forget to enjoy life along the way.

Delayed gratification is supposed to lead to greater rewards. Sometimes.

A famous study in the late 1960s by Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel involved preschool children at Stanford’s nursery school.

Children were shown one marshmallow and told they could choose to eat the marshmallow whenever they wanted. If they waited up to 20 minutes, they would get a second. Follow-up research on the children years later led Mischel to conclude that the subjects who waited for the two marshmallows had higher SAT scores, better educational achievement, and lower body mass index. These studies eventually led to Mischel’s 1994 book, The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control Is the Engine of Success, establishing the test as one of the rare laboratory studies about human behavior that has become a cultural touchstone.

As an executive coach for over 40 years, I’ve been working with leaders around the world at the top of industries and levels. I work with high-achieving and very successful people, and as a result, I have learned a lot about the behaviors and mindsets of the type of people who make it to the top of their field.

 

Reading about the Marshmallow Test raised an interesting question for me. What if a person were to continue receiving marshmallows the longer they waited—if they could accumulate an infinite number of treats? There would be some people who would never have the chance to enjoy the delicious marshmallows. They would continue to collect and end up on their deathbed, surrounded by mountains of marshmallows!

 

Although a study like this won’t be conducted, there are examples of this type of infinitely delayed gratification in the leaders with whom I work and interact every day. Smart, successful, and high-achieving people have all learned the importance of delayed gratification. They pursued extra years of education and training, pooled their resources into an entrepreneurial idea, and missed time with family and friends for the sake of their jobs and companies.

 

In many ways, these delayed gratification choices have been hugely beneficial to their lives. Without their degrees or time and energy invested in their startup, they wouldn’t be in the positions they are in now. But many of them reach the end of their careers with regrets about the opportunities they didn’t take outside their careers. They never ate any of the marshmallows they had been collecting along the way.

 

In my latest book, The Earned Life, I delve into the concept of living a life without regrets and striking a harmonious balance between hard work and enjoyment. Throughout my journey as a coach and mentor, I have come to recognize that helping my clients find fulfillment and success at work entails imparting wisdom that extends far beyond their professional roles. Their capacity for efficiency, empathy, trust, and leadership is intricately connected to their overall well-being, and finding joy in all aspects of life is pivotal to their overall happiness and success. Achieving this balance is a fundamental ingredient in enhancing their leadership capabilities.

 

Sometimes, you need to stop waiting and eat the marshmallow.

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