In what ways is Russia's ongoing conflict with Ukraine reshaping the security architecture and energy policies of Europe?

Russia's ongoing conflict with Ukraine has triggered a fundamental reevaluation of both the security architecture and energy policies of Europe.
The conflict has shattered the post-Cold War assumption of perpetual peace and has forced European nations to confront hard-power security threats and the vulnerabilities of their energy dependencies.

Reshaping European Security Architecture
The invasion has profoundly transformed Europe's security landscape, with the most significant shifts occurring within and around NATO and the European Union.

NATO Revitalization and Expansion: The war has reinvigorated NATO, an alliance that had faced questions about its purpose and relevance. The invasion served as a stark reminder of the need for collective defense against a revanchist Russia. This has led to:

Increased Defense Spending: European members of NATO have pledged to increase their defense spending, with many moving toward or beyond the alliance's 2% of GDP target. This marks a significant reversal of a long-standing trend of declining military budgets.

New Members: Previously neutral countries, Finland and Sweden, have joined the alliance. This historic expansion is a direct result of their perception of a more immediate and severe threat from Russia, fundamentally altering the geopolitical map of Northern Europe.

Strengthened Eastern Flank: NATO has reinforced its military presence on its eastern flank, deploying more troops and equipment to countries bordering Russia and Belarus, such as Poland and the Baltic states, to deter further aggression.

The EU's Push for Strategic Autonomy: The European Union has taken unprecedented steps to assert itself as a geopolitical actor in its own right. While the EU has long been an economic powerhouse, the war has exposed its security vulnerabilities and spurred a push for "strategic autonomy" in defense and foreign policy.

Joint Defense Initiatives: The EU has launched new initiatives to coordinate defense spending and procurement among member states, aiming to strengthen its own defense industrial base and reduce reliance on external suppliers.

Military Aid to Ukraine: For the first time in its history, the EU has provided significant military aid to a country under attack, using its European Peace Facility to finance weapons for Ukraine. This marks a major shift in the EU's role from a purely civilian power to one with a burgeoning security and defense dimension.

Reshaping European Energy Policies
For decades, many European nations, particularly Germany, had pursued a policy of close energy ties with Russia, believing that economic interdependence would prevent conflict. The war shattered this model and exposed a critical vulnerability.

Rapid Decoupling from Russian Energy: The EU has undertaken a dramatic and rapid effort to wean itself off Russian fossil fuels. This has involved:

Diversification of Suppliers: European nations have scrambled to secure new energy sources, signing long-term contracts for liquefied natural gas (LNG) from countries like the United States, Qatar, and Norway. New LNG terminals have been built or are under construction to accommodate these imports.

Strategic Storage: EU countries have implemented policies to ensure that their gas storage facilities are filled to high levels before winter to mitigate the risk of supply disruptions.

Shift to Renewables: The conflict has acted as a catalyst for the acceleration of Europe's green energy transition. The EU's REPowerEU plan aims to rapidly increase renewable energy production and improve energy efficiency to reduce reliance on all fossil fuel imports, especially from Russia. The crisis has reinforced the strategic importance of energy independence and sustainability.

Economic Consequences and Political Fallout: The rapid pivot away from Russian energy has had significant economic consequences.

Spiking Energy Prices: In the immediate aftermath of the invasion, energy prices surged, leading to high inflation and a cost-of-living crisis across Europe. This has put a strain on households and industries and has forced governments to introduce emergency measures to subsidize energy costs.

New Geopolitical Alignments: Russia's pivot to Asian markets, particularly China and India, to sell its fossil fuels has created a new dynamic in global energy trade. Simultaneously, Europe's increased dependence on new suppliers, like the U.S., is strengthening existing alliances while also creating new dependencies.

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Same Old Thoughts
The less you think, the more at peace you’ll be. On a moment to moment basis, that is. We do need think-sessions, to make good decisions—the perpetual self-talk is the type of thinking to avoid.

When you’re struggling to be mindful, do something you know needs to be done. Find something important to do, instead of sitting around repeating the same old thoughts.

RESILIENCE-
Embracing Life's Hardest Moments as Learning Opportunities.
Six ways to see life's hardships as merely "school fees."

When I think of the hardest moments of my life, ironically many have turned out to be blessings in disguise. While this is not the most severe example, one, in particular, was being pretty much kicked out of my PhD program at the University of Georgia in 2016. This was after I quit all my jobs in California (despite good momentum), packed my car full of my belongings, and drove across the country over a week, thus forfeiting my intern license to practice therapy in California (an unlicensed therapist is now called "associate", but before 2019 it was "intern").

The program in Georgia turned out to not be the right fit for me despite my best efforts. I mainly went because they offered to cover my tuition and pay me to study there, but I didn't vet the program carefully enough. The whole year was riddled with exhaustion, anxiety, insecurity, fear, insomnia, and exclusion. I was in therapy myself for most of the year to cope, and the only thing that made it tolerable was a lot of support from my family and friends. I was utterly devastated when I went back home; it felt like my career was over. Fast forward to today, however, and I can see that getting driven out of the Georgia program was one of the best things that ever happened to me. As the saying goes, "Fate loves irony." I thank all my professors in perpetuity for making me see what I couldn't back then: I'd thrive in the right program. In 2017, when I transferred to a doctoral program in San Diego, I began to succeed and now my business and career are doing exceptionally well.

I am deeply grateful I wound up in San Diego and happy that I didn't stay in Georgia in hindsight. I wouldn't have left, though, it I wasn't driven out! Ironically, the research and writing training from the University of Georgia significantly helped me develop my academic, professional, and personal writing. I worked hard in Georgia and it paid off: The learning and growth I experienced were unparalleled. It also helped me apply for and win scholarships. Almost half of the courses I took at Georgia counted towards my doctorate in San Diego, helping me save money and graduate earlier.

As my personal example demonstrates, life is a total rollercoaster; what seems like good or bad news now can turn out to be the opposite in the future. Every now and then you are able to discover a new high, a ceiling-breaking moment, whereas in other moments you may feel like you're falling deeper and deeper into hell. While these experiences can be incredibly tough, they present us with valuable opportunities to trust life and cultivate personal growth and learning.

Here I briefly underscore six key ways we can turn life's hardest moments into powerful learning and growing opportunities. Most of our hard moments really can be "school fees." If you work at this mindset shift like your life depended on it (as it kind of does), you can set yourself up to never really lose at the game of life.

1. Embrace Resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and possibly also grow stronger in the process. It is a fundamental quality that enables us to turn life's hardest moments into learning opportunities. When we face difficulties, instead of succumbing to despair, we can choose, as hard as it may seem in the moment, to embrace resilience. This means recognizing our own inner strength and determination to overcome challenges. You likely know you have done it in the past and can do it again. What's something that you've mastered that you didn't think you would be good at in the past?

Hardship often reveals our true resilience, forcing us to confront our fears and doubts. Each time we endure a difficult experience, we build resilience, making us better equipped to handle future challenges. By acknowledging and appreciating our resilience, we learn to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity.

2. Take the Opportunity for Reflection and Self-Examination
Turning life's hardest moments into learning opportunities requires self-reflection and examination. When we encounter difficulties, it's essential to take a step back and ask ourselves tough questions. What led to this situation? What can we learn from it? How can we grow from it? Reflecting on our experiences allows us to gain valuable insights and wisdom. As long as we derive learning, meaning, understanding, and insight from it, even the worst things that happen to us can become gifts and sources of strength and wisdom over time. The lesson is likely cheap if you don't let it happen again!

As we reflect, we may discover our own biases, blindspots, or areas needing improvement. This self-awareness is a powerful and necessary tool for personal growth. By acknowledging our mistakes and learning from them, we can make better decisions and become more compassionate individuals.

3. Cultivate Empathy
Life's challenges often bring us into contact with the suffering of others. Experiencing hardship firsthand can foster empathy and compassion for those going through similar difficulties. This newfound empathy can lead to a desire to help and support others in their times of need. I'm sure I would be a terrible therapist if I didn't ever go through hardships: I would have no idea how my clients feel or what they need to hear.

Turning our pain into an opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level can be incredibly rewarding. By offering our understanding and support, we not only help others but also create a sense of purpose and fulfillment in our own lives.

4. Develop Problem-Solving Skills
As ironic as this may sound, life would be incredibly boring and possibly meaningless if we had no problems to solve. Difficult moments often require us to think critically and find solutions to complex problems in ways we wouldn't otherwise. These challenges can be seen as opportunities to develop and refine our problem-solving skills. When we encounter obstacles, we are pushed to explore new perspectives, seek creative solutions, and make informed decisions. Without obstacles, we wouldn't ever discover what we're truly capable of and a lot of our potential would be squandered.

By actively engaging in problem-solving during tough times, we become more adept at handling future challenges with confidence and competence. These skills are transferable to various aspects of our lives, contributing to our personal and professional growth.

5. Reevaluate Priorities
Hardship has a way of reshaping our priorities and helping us distinguish between what truly matters and what is superficial. Life's toughest moments can prompt us to reevaluate our values, goals, and aspirations. We may realize that some of our previous ambitions were misaligned with our authentic selves. In my Georgia example above, while my career backslid temporarily, I am fortunate to have been able to strengthen my relationship with friends and family, ironically, in ways that wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't gone through that. By using these moments as an opportunity to recalibrate priorities, we can make more meaningful life choices. This can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and a life that aligns with our core values and desires.

6. Appreciate the Ups and Downs
There is no dark without light, and there is no hot without cold. Without the difficult moments, we would not fully appreciate the moments of joy, success, and achievement. These challenging times provide context and depth to our experiences, making the highs not only possible but more meaningful. In this spirit, I am perpetually thankful that I went through that experience in Georgia to appreciate more of my blessings in the present.

Conclusion
As corny as it sounds, it couldn't be truer: life's hardest moments, even if it may seem impossible at the moment, are not devoid of purpose. They are profound opportunities for growth, learning, and self-discovery. Embracing resilience, self-reflection, empathy, problem-solving skills, and reassessing priorities can help us navigate and transform adversity into valuable life lessons. When we view life's challenges as opportunities to learn and evolve, we empower ourselves to become more resilient, compassionate, and wise individuals. In doing so, we find that even in the darkest of times, there is the potential for growth and the opportunity to turn pain into strength. Mastering that skill is nothing less than a superpower.

MOTIVATION-
To Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Seek These Goals.
A new study compares goals for wealth vs. health to boost feelings of happiness.
Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

KEY POINTS-
According to self-determination theory (SDT), striving toward intrinsic goals rather than extrinsic ones will promote well-being.
A new, large-scale meta-analysis that subjects SDT to rigorous study supports the value of intrinsic striving for psychological health.
Turning your extrinsic into intrinsic striving will help ensure that the path you follow through life is not only motivating but also fulfilling.
You may not think about your life goals on a daily basis, if specifically at all. Yet, your behavior on that daily basis does reflect the overarching purpose you place on your life. Do you find yourself preoccupied with how you look to others, or do you believe it’s most important to focus on the internal states that contribute to your physical and mental health?

At the same time, would you describe your actions as oriented toward providing you with creature comforts that wealth can provide? Or do you devote most of your efforts toward expressing your unique abilities and interests? One final question: Do you see relationships as ways to get ahead, or do you value relationships for their love and understanding?

These central questions lie at the heart of self-determination theory (SDT), which proposes that striving for the so-called “extrinsic” rewards of wealth, fame, and recognition can stymie your ability to achieve true inner happiness. Such motivations interfere with well-being because they are based on the comparisons you make of yourself to others, comparisons that are destined to be never-ending. In the words of the authors of a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “even when achieved, extrinsic aspirations are perpetually out of reach because people require an increasing dose of ‘the remedy’ to keep receiving its ostensible benefit” (p. 874).

Instead, the path to well-being lies in seeking to fulfill the “intrinsic” rewards associated with personal growth, engagement in emotionally gratifying relationships, giving to others, and your own physical health. Pursuit of these goals helps you satisfy your needs for autonomy (volition), competence (ability), and relatedness (closeness to others).

Although SDT is a highly popular theory, the question remains as to whether its principles hold up to systematic empirical scrutiny. The purpose of the study by Bradshaw et al. was to conduct just such a hard-nosed review.

Taking the Measure of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
Across the decades of research and theorizing on SDT, this question of extrinsic vs. intrinsic goals' relationship to well-being falls into the specific framework known as “goal contents theory” the idea that “the specific content of individuals’ life goals also contributes meaningfully to their well-being” (p. 873). Proving its validity requires not more research, the Australian research team proposes, but research that comprehensively examines the existing data.

Using meta-analysis to subject prior research to rigorous scrutiny, Bradshaw et al. set forth a series of hypotheses based on differing ways to compare the contributions of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation to measures both of well-being and of “ill-being,” or sense of despair and futility. The options expressed in their hypotheses contrast the two types of motivation in their impact on both well- and ill-being.

A major advantage along with the sheer scope of this study was that it included not just typical one-shot correlational studies but also longitudinal research in which motivation at Time 1 could be evaluated in terms of its effects on well- or ill-being at Time 2 (or beyond). Now, instead of being limited by the “correlation does not equal causation” problem, the authors could draw causal inferences. Beyond this feature, the meta-analysis allowed for comparisons to be made by sex/gender, age, nationality, and social class, which could all be important influences on both well-being and motivation.

What’s Your Motivation?
The one standard across all of the 92 studies (involving more than 70,000 participants worldwide) was that they employed the same questionnaire measure assessing motivation for intrinsic and extrinsic goals. This questionnaire, called the Aspirations Index, includes items that fall into seven categories representing the two categories of goals. See how you would answer these sample items; each involves rating yourself from 1 (not at all) to 7 (very) according to importance, likelihood of achievement, and attainment:

To be a very wealthy person
To grow and learn new things
To have my name known by many people
To have good friends I can count on
To feel good about my level of physical fitness
To work for the betterment of society
To keep up with fashions in hair and clothing
The extrinsic goals as illustrated with these items include wealth (#1), fame (#3), and image (#7); intrinsic goals include self-growth (#2), relationships (#4), health (#5), and community (#6).

You may find it interesting to compare your weighing of the intrinsic vs. extrinsic items as well as comparing your present vs. future attainment of each goal. Importance alone, however, is a key indicator and, across the multiple items of the Aspirations Index, would then serve as the value you would use in evaluating its impact on your well-being.

With this in mind, you might get a better appreciation of why it is so futile to keep pursuing extrinsic goals to the exclusion or even discounting of intrinsic ones. Can you ever have enough fame? Will you ever have as great an image as you would like, and will this last over time? Conversely, seeking relationships and self-growth might propel you toward fulfilling those basic human needs of competence, relatedness, and autonomy.

Across the analyses, including demographic controls, the findings clearly supported the hypothesis that linked higher intrinsic motivation to greater well-being and higher extrinsic motivation to greater ill-being. However, there was one proviso in that any motivation was better than none at all: “Striving,” the authors concluded, “is better than amotivation.”

All in all, apart from this somewhat obvious fact, the authors landed heavily on the side of intrinsic motivation’s value in promoting psychological health: “When it comes to goals, happiness appears to be of the heart strings, and not of the purse strings” (p. 894). The findings support, then, what you might consider the “greedy” view of extrinsic motivation—namely, that it “crowds out” any other form of motivation once it takes over your life. It’s difficult to feel that you’re in control of your life when you’re constantly fretting about how others perceive you.

How to Boost Your Intrinsic Motivation
Now that you’ve contrasted your own sets of goals, were you surprised by your ratings? Was image more important than friendship? What about health? Thinking, too, about your levels of attainment, which goals that you see yourself as having achieved make you feel better about yourself?

Another interesting feature of the results was that age played a very minor, if even perceptible, role in influencing the relationship between motivation and well- or ill-being. Applying this to yourself, it seems safe to conclude that being happy throughout life seems to remain a constant function of the desire to realize your innermost needs. Furthermore, unlike extrinsic goals, intrinsic goals are self-propelling and becoming reinforcing in and of themselves. You don’t have to check them off a list and say “done”; nor do you have to feel deficient because you’re still striving for them.

To sum up, having goals is clearly an important component of the well-lived life. To ensure that the goals that maintain your well-being allow you to feel that your life indeed is worthwhile, turning extrinsic into intrinsic will provide you with the most fulfilling pathway, no matter what your age.

2 Ways to Escape a "Peter Pan and Wendy" Relationship Dynamic.
They can't change who they are, but they can improve.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS-
People with Peter Pan syndrome find it hard to express emotions, avoid listening to partners, and shirk basic relationship responsibilities.
The female counterparts in these relationships, known as the Wendy, often enable Peter to continue living a life without responsibility.
To help them recognize the need for change, end enabling behaviors, like tidying up after them, cleaning their car, or paying their bills.

Many people come to therapy when they feel their relationship is overburdened with immaturity. They may say things like:

“My partner does not know how to take care of himself and depends on me for everything. It is almost as if I am his mother, and I have to look after his childlike needs.”
“My partner struggles to establish a functional, long-term plan for his life as an adult.”
“We’ve been dating for so long now, but my boyfriend doesn’t like to label our relationship. It seems like he has commitment fear.”
If you relate to the statements above, chances are you’re in a relationship with a "Peter Pan" type personality.

Often characterized as "the boy who never grows up," people, mostly men, displaying a Peter Pan-like personality can make maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship difficult. According to one study, people afflicted with this syndrome find it hard to express their emotions, avoid listening to their partner, and shirk basic relationship responsibilities.

A recent study lists five key markers of Peter Pan Syndrome, which include:

Emotional paralysis. Dulled emotions or an inability to express feelings in appropriate ways.
Slowness in action. Being apathetic, procrastinating in tasks, and frequently being late.
Avoidance of responsibility. Avoiding accountability for their mistakes and blaming others.
Mother-like expectations from partners. Difficulty with maternal relationships and treating future romantic partners as mother figures.
Tensed relationship with father figures. Feelings of distance from one’s father and trouble with male authority figures.
Much like in the children’s story, the female counterparts in these relationships, known as the "Wendy," often enable Peter Pan to continue living a life without responsibility. They might do this by making decisions on their behalf, cleaning up after them, or offering relentless emotional support without getting anything in return.

Unfortunately, those who fall into the "Wendy" role may not even realize it. This can naturally cause abrasion in relationships and negatively affect the quality of the partnership.

Here are two ways to manage a Peter Pan and Wendy syndrome in your relationship.

1. Help them get a grip on adulthood.
Desiring changes to how a person currently functions through slow and measured steps can help two people in a relationship transform for the better.

As much as we like to say we love people for who they are, remember that at least a little bit of give and take and gradual improvement is necessary for a romantic relationship to flourish.

However, handling the "man-child" of a relationship can be tricky. Fencing them in can suffocate their needs for freedom and play. It’s often better to communicate and advocate for your own needs and desires in the relationship while also allowing them time and space to act in accordance with them.

Do not forget to celebrate your partner’s efforts every step of the way by showing them appreciation and affection. Hold them accountable for what they say they will do and focus on small victories rather than massive behavioral overhauls.

2. Stall your enabling behaviors.
Ending enabling behaviors, like tidying up after them every time they make a mess, getting their car cleaned, or paying their bills, may help them recognize the need for change. Keep in mind that expecting drastic changes is unrealistic. No change can happen overnight. You will have to be patient while you wait to see changes in your partner’s behaviors. Consider these questions while attempting to back out of your enabling behavior.

Are my actions helping or hurting me in the long run?
Is it worth shouldering all the responsibilities of a relationship alone?
Am I truly happy and satisfied in this relationship?
Can I ignore my current frustration in the grand scheme of things?
Conclusion
Never ask your partner to change who they are. After all, that’s probably the reason you fell in love with them in the first place.

However, it is reasonable to expect people to mature and improve themselves over time. If you feel your partner is perpetually stuck in a juvenile phase and is unable or unwilling to bring about any of the changes you are asking for, you might consider seeking out a new partner whose goals and behaviors are more congruent with yours.

3 Secrets to Healthy Relationships.
Relationship failures hurt but provide valuable growth to improve connections.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS-
Relationship losses can teach us valuable lessons and pave the way for healthier future connections.
Expressions of gratitude help us cope better with adversity while making others feel appreciated.
Amplifying the good qualities not only pleases others but also makes us feel happier.

A client, I’ll call Anna, arrived at her therapy session with me in tears. Over the past year, Anna had been dating a man I’ll call Jim. The two had met through an online dating app. Anna was thrilled to meet someone who shared her interest in outdoor activities like hiking and indoor activities like reading books.

Anna often conveyed her ambivalent feelings about Jim. She said his messiness, perpetual lateness, and tendency to get distracted “drive me nuts.” The couple argued when Anna criticized Jim for these qualities. Jim broke up with Anna saying, “It seems you want a different kind of person. You always want to change me. It makes me feel unappreciated. I can never make you happy.”

After the breakup, Anna felt devastated and lonely. She remembered all the qualities she loved about Jim. His sense of humor, thoughtfulness, generosity, intelligence, and physical appeal delighted her. I asked her how often she praised him for these qualities.

“I didn’t want to seem too into him. I held back a lot of my positive feelings because I was afraid to scare him off,” she said.

“So, you thought he’d be scared off by too much admiration?” I asked.

“Yeah. I guess that sounds really stupid now,” she replied.

“No, you don’t sound stupid. It sounds like you were afraid to share the good feelings you had for Jim but not afraid to share the critical feelings,” I said.

Anna shared terrible online dating experiences that made her cynical and distrustful. She felt she had to remain guarded and not get too close. Focusing on Jim’s irritating qualities made her feel less vulnerable. Unfortunately, it made Jim think he could never make her happy, and he ended what might have been a promising relationship.

Rejection can feel devastating. Dreams about a happy, healthy future relationship can seem out of reach. Yet relationship failures can teach us valuable lessons to help us identify our deepest needs and how we can improve. During times of loss, it helps to reach for a lifeline.

Lifelines Out of Rejection and Loneliness
Loneliness can leave us feeling as if we are somehow defective, unlucky, or unlovable. It often makes us physically hurt. Yet there are lifelines everywhere if we look for them. Here are two ways to begin:

Acknowledge the pain of rejection and loss. Take the time you need to cry, stare at the wall, and rage at your misfortune. Recognize that emotions are signals to alert you of something important you can learn. The painful feelings can help you clarify what you truly need. While taking responsibility for your part in the relationship failure may sting, that understanding can help you grow and improve. Remember that all feelings are temporary. The hurt will pass.
Ask for help. Ask someone, like a therapist, or a loved one, to listen to your story. We all benefit from witnesses to our suffering. Someone can hold us in our grief. Provide comfort when we hurt. It may be challenging to ask for help, but in the act of asking, we aim toward healing and hope. Hopefulness is healthy.
We all have the power to strengthen our relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. Each relationship failure can point the way to greater self-awareness and self-improvement. Your deeper appreciation can fuel a more satisfying connection when you finally find that special someone.

Three Secrets to Healthy Relationships
The human brain has a natural negative bias to help us ward off threats. Yet the healthiest relationships feel abundant with joy, humor, playfulness, celebration, and admiration. Find pleasure in your loved one’s happiness. Join in celebrations of achievements. These moments of joyful connection help us cope better through the hard times. They infuse our relationships with vitality.

Gratitude: When you appreciate the kindness of others, you strengthen your attachments. When you can appreciate who and what you have, you improve your ability to cope with life’s challenges. Gratitude fosters emotional agility and improves mental health and happiness (Gloria et al. 2016). It’s not enough to just feel grateful. Sharing your gratitude with others supercharges your relationships with positivity. When you share your appreciation, it inspires others to do the same.

Amplify the good: Our relationships flourish when we magnify the positive qualities we notice in others. We also feel happier when we recognize and amplify the good around us. Amplify the good by noticing it. Let your mind linger in the good longer. Then mention that good in all your relationships. Look for opportunities to share what you admire about others. This strengthens our attachments to one another and improves the quality of our relationships (Gordon et al., 2012).

Commitment and meaning: Our work, family, social obligations, and responsibilities provide purpose beyond selfish desires. Maintaining our commitments makes our relationships stronger. Obligations and commitments offer us a sense of significance and meaning. Those in more committed relationships report feeling more happiness than those without a strong bond of commitment (Dush et al., 2005, Schneider, 2022).

If you feel lonely, start with gratitude for yourself. Appreciate your unique experience and one-of-a-kind specialness. Write a letter of gratitude to yourself. You can marvel at your senses, the capacity to observe nature, listen to music, and engage in the world with your arms, legs, hands, and feet. Write daily journals and or letters of gratitude. Don’t neglect to acknowledge your weaker connections with people. You can also appreciate a helpful neighbor, a friendly barista, or a warm and caring doctor. Research shows writing about gratitude will help you recover from loss more quickly (Wong et al., 2018).

We can look for lifelines out of loneliness from outside (therapists, self-help books, friends, and family) and inside (gratitude, amplifying the good, upholding our commitments). Our human brain is designed to cope and adapt. It holds magnificent power we can harness for survival and happiness. Just gently aim it in the direction you wish to go. You may be surprised how far your mighty mind can take you.

PSYCHOSIS-
Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones Who Have Psychosis.
Tips for navigating a complicated disorder.
Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano

KEY POINTS-
Psychosis is an often-misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition.
If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them.
You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably.
Psychosis is a widely misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition. Despite the fact that individuals with psychosis pose a greater threat to themselves than to anyone else, they’re often portrayed as dangerous. This misperception increases the chances they'll face severe discrimination and social isolation, making it more difficult for them to get the help they need to recover and live personally gratifying lives.

Strong support networks can counteract the negative effects of the misinformation surrounding this condition. If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce the severity of their symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them. Doing so requires frequent communication, and although the cognitive and emotional effects of psychosis can make that challenging, there are steps you can take to overcome barriers and connect meaningfully with your loved one.

1. Understand what psychosis is and how it affects your loved one.
Broadly, psychosis refers to a disruption in an individual's experience of reality. It can be caused by a mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or it can be triggered by environmental factors, such as prolonged sleep deprivation, certain prescription drugs, or substance abuse. Symptoms can manifest as delusions, which are false beliefs, or hallucinations, which are false perceptions. While not objectively real, delusions and hallucinations are present and palpable to the individuals in whom they occur. At minimum, they're extremely distracting; often, they're downright distressing.

As a result, psychosis is often accompanied by disorganized thoughts and speech, executive dysfunction, and odd and/or misplaced behaviors. Meet such symptoms with compassion, and avoid becoming frustrated with your loved one for any impulsivity or lack of focus they may exhibit. If you persist in conversing with them in spite of the impediments, you may find that their symptoms cause less interference as time goes on. There is evidence that the act of speaking itself can reduce the severity of certain types of hallucinations.

An individual's first psychotic episode often occurs during young adulthood, interrupting a critical phase of growth. Consequently, many who suffer from the condition feel robbed of key life experiences. If your loved one has or is expressing interest in starting a job, dating, or another "normal" young adult activity, don’t waive that off as untenable because of their condition. Doing so could fuel resentment between you and your loved one, preventing the cultivation of a trusting relationship. Instead, facilitate an honest discussion about how your loved one could pursue their interests with their condition. Not only will this reinforce the notion that you are their ally but it will also help them become more self-aware.

2. Set the stage for effective communication.
The symptoms associated with psychosis can be extremely sensitive to environmental conditions. This is why it's important to select a setting for interactions with your loved one that they find comfortable. If they feel as though they’re being surveilled when out in public, for example, don’t invite them to a coffee shop. Instead, meet them at home, and ensure that the room in which you initiate conversation is uncluttered. An orderly environment is soothing for everyone, especially those with high degrees of internal stimulation.

The space in which you choose to interact with your loved one should be orderly and also free of triggering objects. Say your loved one believes that the CIA has tapped all of the devices in their house. You can prevent the belief from derailing your communication attempts by putting all electronics temporarily out of sight.

You can also choose to interact with your loved one outdoors. Walking promotes focus and stimulates creativity; it can be an extremely effective tool for encouraging the taciturn to volunteer more information. Be sure to choose a route that’s relatively free of noise, crowds, and other distractions. The more tranquil the context, the less disruptive your loved one’s symptoms will be.

In general, individuals with psychosis tend to fare much better in one-on-one conversations than in groups. Group dynamics can be overwhelming and even distressing; those who suffer from paranoia may be especially prone to unease when forced to interact with multiple people at once. To set your loved one up for communication success, put their peace of mind first, and avoid inviting others into your conversations with them.

3. Acknowledge and affirm your loved one’s humanity.
Make a concerted effort to understand your loved one’s experiences and express compassion for them. If they tell you they're hearing voices or seeing terrifying figures, don't blithely assert those things aren't real: It won't make their hallucinations go away, but it will create distance between you and your loved one.

Instead, validate their emotions while remaining candid about how your experience of reality differs from theirs. You might say something to the effect of, "That sounds really hurtful/scary. I don't hear that same voice/see that same figure, but I believe you do." It is a common misconception that talking about hallucinations or delusions eggs them on, but the reality is: Engaging in nonjudgmental conversation around your loved one's lived experiences removes taboos associated with them, reducing the amount of distress they cause.

To that end, try to employ the same language they use to describe their delusions or hallucinations. Directly and unambiguously addressing their experiences will mitigate confusion and increase the chances that your loved one views you as a source of support. If they refer to the things they're seeing as "entities," don't respond with, "I believe you're seeing things," which might lead them to think you don't understand what they're trying to articulate. Instead, say, "I believe you're seeing entities."

The human craving for autonomy doesn't go away just because someone has experienced or is experiencing hallucinations or delusions. Honor your loved one's agency by helping them understand the choices they have rather than forcing them to comply with what you would choose for them. This is especially important in conversations around medication. Studies have shown that shared decision-making decreases prescription non-adherence among individuals with schizophrenia.

If your loved one wants to stop taking their antipsychotic medication, ask them why and listen nonjudgmentally to their reasons. Then, respond with both an acknowledgment of their feelings and an explanation of the consequences they'd face, like this: "I can understand how frustrating it must be to feel dulled emotions, but if you do decide to stop taking your medicine, you'll start to believe that [insert loved one's symptoms here]. This will cause you to behave in ways that are unsafe for yourself and others, and that will result in a [enter consequences here]."

4. Meet your loved one where they are.
Because most people's delusions or hallucinations are upsetting, it's important to assure your loved one that they're safe while you interact with them. You can do this by maintaining an even-tempered expression, avoiding overly animated body language, and giving them plenty of personal space.

Verbal affirmations are also helpful. If your loved one believes the CIA has tapped their phone, for instance, try sharing something to this effect: "I understand how stressful it must be for you to believe the CIA has tapped your phone, but I have no evidence of that, so I don't share your belief. If I did, I would take immediate action to protect our privacy, because my top priority is making sure you and I are both safe."

The symptoms of psychosis wax and wane according to both internal and external conditions, so pay close attention to your loved one’s behaviors. If they’re exhibiting signs of escalation, refrain from trying to initiate conversation then. Prioritize de-escalation, and in the event that your loved one has entered crisis territory, safety should be your number-one concern. Get to the hospital or call 911 if necessary. You should wait until they've regained stability to start the work of relationship building.

5. Be consistent.
Having psychosis can feel like living on perpetually shifting grounds. You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably. Do what you say; say what you’ll do. When you need to collect dirty clothes from their room, for example, let them know beforehand: “I’m going to go into your room to grab your laundry now so I can wash it.” Or, if you know a representative from the cable company will be coming over to troubleshoot wifi issues, give your loved one plenty of advance notice.

In addition to accommodating their needs, it’s important to set and reinforce clear boundaries with your loved one so that they can learn how to cope with symptoms. When living in the same house as you, they can’t bar you from entering certain rooms, for instance. Communicate this rule with them, then remind them of it when necessary. In the event that they become defiant, calmly explain that their behavior is not acceptable, and hold them accountable for their actions. Just as you wouldn’t want your loved one’s symptoms to run their lives, their symptoms shouldn’t run yours, either.

Consistency can require a lot of effort, especially when having to hold boundaries your loved one doesn’t like. To ensure you don’t react in an inflammatory way when they defy or break rules, don't forget to tend to your own mental health. Lean on your community, ask for help, take space when you need it, and engage in regular self-care practices. By getting the support you need, you enable yourself to give your loved one the support they need, too.